Reflections on a life lived thus far: The happy, the crappy and the ridiculous

You know, I think at around the 40 year mark you have enough history behind you and [hopefully] enough history in front of you to be at a crossroads where you really do some serious reflection as well as looking ahead. A person can look back on their life and get a good sense of what they’ve so far accomplished, what they hope yet to accomplish and try to not regret too many of the mistakes made along the way. I’ve been thinking about all this and some really interesting things have come out of it.

Body image:

Twenty years ago I thought I had “fat thighs” and I in fact took a photo of them to remind me and motivate me to stay on track with diet and exercise. I still have that photo. I would kill to have those thighs today! They were not fat. And they did not have cellulite. Let’s just say the thighs I have today look like they ate the thighs I used to have and then asked for more. It’s not pretty. And I know I need to be comfortable with my body and understand that at forty-something I cannot have twenty-something year old thighs. But it’s still maddening to me. So, I’m still working on it. I can’t say I’ve come very far with adjusting to this.

Marriage and Relationships:

I could write pages on this one so let me try to sum it up. I did not know what I wanted in a relationship at twenty-something. I don’t think many of us do—thus a really good case for NOT marrying early (again, I could write volumes on this subject as well.) Somewhere in my thirties I figured out what I wanted in life, in a relationship and what was important to me. I figured out who I was and where I was going (or at least where I wanted to go.) I made some smart choices, mingled with some less than smart ones as well. But overall I worked this one out. This is not to say that a marriage does not require continual attention and work as it certainly does. In general, I’m thankful to be where I’m at today and to have finally figured it out for myself.

Kids:

This is an interesting one for me. I had a child pretty early in life (due to that early marriage) and really wanted more but divorce and subsequent years of being single put a damper on that. That is until many years later when I remarried and ended up creating a honeymoon baby. Though there are certainly women even older than me having babies, I felt I really pushed the envelope with this one. I felt lucky all went as well as it did and considered myself to have flown under the radar and had a healthy baby. Of course, this blessed event is not without its trials…as if children aren’t challenging enough, I have even more challenges with a special needs child. Still, I consider myself lucky overall..things could be worse. Yes, the little guy is behind on speech and he has sensory seeking issues which make him harder to deal with, but somehow I make it through the day. Like when we’re at the store and he leans over the cart and grabs something while I have my back turned for a second and I turn around and see him holding a bottle of wine he snatched from an end cap. I simply take that as a sign and have a glass of wine later. See? Everything happens for a reason.

Career:

For some odd reason I never selected a career as a teen…never had a clue really what I even wanted to do. My life continued on a course that involved an early marriage and child and putting a husband through school. Later on, I held various interesting jobs though none were what I would consider a career. I eventually settled into a stay at home mom role and as you can see, started writing about it. I have always had a passion for writing and speaking, as well as sharing life experiences. So, this is where I am today. I have lots of stories to share and between this blog and my eventual book I'll be sharing them all: the happy, the crappy and the ridiculous. Stay tuned.

2 comments:

Julie said...

happy birthday and approaching the 40 mark this year.

Janice said...

OMG, I could have wrote this post myself!!! I just got a letter yesterday from the local community college granting me 6K in aid to start school again. I will be 46 the end of this month, so the rolling down the hill of 45 is biting my butt bad. Anyways though, I don't think I'm ever going to get it all figured out. If you do, please tell us all so that maybe then we will have hope too.